Byron (Minnesota)

Byron has a long and glorious history stretching way back to around the 1890s, when the tiny railroad post was still called Bear Creek (pronounced "crick"). It got this name because a farmer thought he saw a bear once down in a little creek that flows through the outskirts of town. Resident Byronians keep this fascinating tradition alive by painting everything school-related with sweeping murals of majestic black bears and erecting awe-inspiring sculptures to the beast. Tourists should be open-minded, however; this is by no means considered by locals to be idol worship or to weaken their steadfast following of the Christian faith.

Byron is just outside of Rochester, Minnesota, home of the Mayo Clinic. Rochester has its own international airport. From here, your best bet would be to drive with a car, though you could also rent a cab from Rochester. Byron is the first city west of Rochester on Highway 14. Be careful though, because if you blink, you may miss it.

There are endless possibilities of things to see in Byron. For example, there is the high school with its enormous bear sculpture made out of lawnmower blades. Furthermore, there is the Oxbow Park and Zollman Zoo, which is about 20 minutes from the city center, but definitely worth the drive. There you can camp, hike, and see native animals including bison or buffalo, and foxes.

Byron is home to a number of bars and a bowling alley. The bowling alley is only sporadically open, based on a complicated mathematical equation dealing with the position of the stars. There are two golf courses. Undoubtedly the best thing to do during the summer, however, is to go to the local swimming pool, just outside of Downtown.

Certainly the best place to eat in Byron is the Bears Den. Another favorite is Otto's Bakery, which has delicious donuts and other pastries. There are also several fast food restaurants located along the scenic Frontage Road. There is an authentic Mexican restaurant called Mexican Tacos Restaurant.

There are some entertaining bars. These are also good places to local-watch. Most are equipped with pool tables and dart boards. Many locals' favorite thing to do is bar-hop down Frontage Road. They start out at The Bears Den (no apostrophe involved). After some hefty eating, the next stop is 3 Ds- a very classy bar. Twenty paces west (as the crow flies) is Frankn Stein Restaurant and Bar (yes, they really do spell it that way). Trek a bit further west on the Frontage Road and you will come across The American Legion. At this fine establishment, one pays homage to all the many veterans of this glorious town by drinking an excessive amount of liquor, as the joke goes, to forget you came in the first place.

There are no four star hotels in Byron, but there are surely some apartments that haven't burnt down that have vacancies.

Although Byron is a largely listless... er, peaceful metropolis, it does come with its share of dangers. In the late 2000s, there was much ado in the Pulitzer-winning publication The Byron Review about a rough-and-tumble gang setting down roots in Byron. The young gangsters, variously referred to as the Byron Thugs (B. T.) or the Gangster Disciples (G. D.) (all very B. A.), have been reported to spray paint playground equipment with their initials and ride skateboards in public parking lots. Although the specifics of their gang-attire remain unknown, it is probably best if tourists simply avoid all punk-looking 10- to 14-year-olds while vacationing in the area.

This is probably most people's favorite part of their excursions to Byron.